Carpe Diem
by opalescence
Summary: How I would have liked Buffy's S7 birthday to have been celebrated!


There are those special occasions when you know exactly what day it is even before you wake up.

  
  


"I'm 22 today," Buffy thought, as she opened her eyes. She felt a lot older. 

  
  


Sunlight cascading in through the windows told her it was a beautiful Saturday morning. The average Joe in Sunnydale would never guess that the next apocalypse could be just around the corner.

  
  


"Well, at least I don't have to work today," she thought, trying to find the silver lining, as she did every morning.

  
  


Buffy sat up and looked at the time. Ten o'clock? She couldn't remember the last time she had slept in this late. The realization that everyone must have tread quietly for her this morning brought a smile to her face. She worked hard to maintain the house, feed everyone and train the girls, and their consideration touched her.

  
  


"Ooooo, birthday greetings! she exclaimed softly.

  
  


On the nightstand she noticed a lavender envelope addressed in Willow's compact script. Inside was a beautifully handmade card. Willow had painted violets on the front in water colors. The words "Happy Birthday" were expertly done in calligraphy.

  
  


"When did she have time to do this?" Buffy mused, as she eagerly opened the card. 

  
  


Happy Birthday, Buffy! 

Choose a special outfit to wear tonight. Xander and I are going to take you Bronzing!

  
  


Before you start worrying, Giles, Anya and Dawn are staying behind with the girls.

  
  


No arguments! Remember...carpe diem!

  
  


Love,

Willow

  
  


For the first time in months, Buffy was actually looking forward to an evening out. It could be just like old times, if she would allow herself to forget about the First for a few hours. 

  
  


Buffy tried to shake of the feeling disappointment that Spike wasn't attending. Sighing, she picked up the card again to see if his name had appeared on it, as if by magic.

  
  


"You're being silly," she chided herself. "He probably doesn't want to come."

  
  


And then a little voice in her head said, "But, why not?"

  
  


Settling back on her pillows, Buffy stretched. When she allowed herself to consider how much their relationship had evolved over the past year, she was truly amazed. Cold memories of hurtful utterances and painful blows were now tempered by encouraging words, healing caresses and supportive smiles. 

  
  


It had taken his absence from her life to make Buffy realize just how much the vampire meant to her. Her heart had secretly rejoiced when she learned that he had sought after and earned his soul. But, when she discovered that he had resisted the temptations of the ultimate Evil during his imprisonment, her respect for him had climbed to immeasurable heights. She was so proud of him.

  
  


The little voice was back. "Have you told him?"

  
  


During Spike's recuperation, an easy friendship had blossomed between them. Buffy rarely left his side, dressing his wounds, bathing and feeding him. He couldn't bring himself to discuss the torture he had endured, only that he knew she would come for him. The vampire's total helplessness resurrected nurturing instincts in Buffy she had considered long dead. Unbeknownst to him, he was administering to *her* soul - making her whole again.

  
  


Every night they would talk until the wee hours of the morning, until Buffy could fight sleep no more. Giles and Xander both expressed concern at the hours she was keeping. Ironically, she felt more alive now than she had in months. The two were virtually inseparable, the Slayer and the soulful vampire. 

  
  


Buffy frowned, sitting up again. A simple touch had changed everything two nights ago. They were in the cemetery training the Potentials. When Buffy had put her hand under Spike's shirt to check his injured ribs, he had grabbed it to stop her. At the same time, he had also held on for a moment, his eyes locked with hers as he assured her that he was alright. Even now, as she remembered the exchange, a warm flush filled her cheeks. 

  
  


Buffy couldn't help but feel that she had done something terribly wrong. Over the past two days, she could feel Spike pulling away from her. He was "too tired" to talk at night, he avoided her gaze, and cut her attempts to engage in conversation short. Buffy realized that she must have crossed the line when she touched him, but she didn't understand why, after weeks of nursing him.

  
  


Buffy rubbed her temples. A tension headache was starting to build. She pushed thoughts of Spike to the back of her mind and vowed to enjoy her day. 

After her shower, Buffy tied her hair into pigtails and carefully applied some make up. Willow had mentioned that she had been wearing entirely too much black lately, so she chose a red peasant blouse and blue whisker jeans. Silver hoop earrings completed the look she wanted, and Buffy bounded down the stairs with gleeful anticipation of receiving birthday greetings and hugs.

  
  


To her surprise, the first floor was deserted and the television was silent. A group of Post-It notes on the refrigerator explained where everyone was. Xander's large scrawl read, 'Donut run, be right back! Happy Birthday, Buff!' 

  
  


"Mmmm, birthday donuts!" Buffy clapped her hands like a little girl and started a pot of coffee. Savoring her momentary solitude, she whistled a happy little tune and puttered around the kitchen.

  
  


"A girl shouldn't have to tidy up the kitchen on her birthday."

  
  


Startled, she spun around to see Spike standing in the doorway to the basement, obviously avoiding the late morning sun streaming in. Dressed in his usual black jeans and tee, his arm was thrown across his chest, hand holding his neck in that way of his.

  
  


Buffy automatically reached over the sink and closed the blinds. "Spike. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

  
  


"Oh, yeah, like the dead could get any sleep around here on a Saturday morning," Spike scoffed, rubbing his neck. 

  
  


"Well, maybe you should go back downstairs and try again. Count sheep or something." Buffy noted that her tone sounded irritable, and she frowned at herself. 

  
  


"Slayer? Somethin' bothering you?" 

  
  


"No, I'm fine," Buffy lied. What was the matter with her? Was she trying to push him away even further? She kept her back to him, and began washing the previous night's dinner dishes. 

  
  


Suddenly he was right there beside her at the sink, dishtowel in hand. She jumped and a plate crashed to the floor. 

  
  


"What the hell is the matter with you sneaking up on me like that?" she scolded.

  
  


Spike seemed unfazed. "Sorry, Pet." 

  
  


He stooped down to pick up the pieces of stoneware littering the floor. "Thought you could use some help. Look, I'll clean this up and be getting out of your way. Grab me a bag, would you?"

  
  


Buffy felt badly for having snapped at him. Finding a bag under the sink, she handed it to him, along with a dust broom and pan. She noted that his head was bent at the height of her hand, and if she just stretched her fingers, she could touch those blonde curls...

  
  


"Whatcha doin' tonight, Spike?"

  
  


"I got plans; already checked with Rupert. Why, do you need me?" He looked up at her with a questioning frown. 

  
  


"Oh, no...just...curious." Well, that was that, then. Buffy could not believe the surge of disappointment flooding through her chest. She stepped back to put a little distance between them, and took a deep breath. The headache was back.

  
  


At that moment, the back door opened and Xander entered, carrying three boxes of Dunkin' Donuts and a gallon of milk.

  
  


"Hey, Buff, you saw my note, right? You didn't eat anything, did you?"

  
  


"Xander!" Happy for the distraction, she dashed over to relieve him of one box, lifting the lid to peer inside. "Did you get any with little sprinkles?"

  
  


"Sure did!" Xander said. He frowned and gestured towards Spike. "Everything okay?"

"Yep. Everything's cool. Clutzo Buffy broke a dish."

Buffy heard the front door open this time, and suddenly the kitchen was full of gabbing teenagers, some placing grocery bags on the counter, a couple flopping on the barstools. Dawn ran up to Buffy and hugged her tightly. Giles and Anya brought up the rear, looking grateful to be back at the house, and way too tired for the early hour. Soon Buffy was surrounded by Molly, Kennedy, Chloe, Rona and Vi, too, all hugging her and wishing her a happy birthday. Andrew stood off to the side, wringing his hands and smiling at her shyly.

  
  


"Hey, Buffy, come in here!" Xander called from the dining room. Dawn led her into the next room. On the table was a platter of donuts, ablaze with 22 candles. 

  
  


"Oh my gosh, you guys!" she squealed.

  
  


Behind her, Buffy heard Giles' mellow tenor start singing 'Happy Birthday' as he placed his hands on her shoulders. The rest of the gang joined in. Buffy's eyes filled with tears. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so touched. Her gaze moved to each loved one as they sang. She wanted to memorize their expressions and place them in her heart for safekeeping. But, when her eyes searched for Spike's blue ones, he was nowhere to be found.

  
  


**********

  
  


The Bronze was packed to the rafters and it looked like the Scooby trio might have to wait for a table. The girls headed for the stairs while Xander got in line at the bar to order their drinks.

  
  


"This is going to be great, Buffy!" Willow shouted as they climbed.

  
  


"Yeah, I'm really psyched!" Buffy shouted back, and laughed. 

  
  


It was easier to hear one another once they reached the catwalk. The girls leaned against the railing and looked down at the young dancers. Buffy couldn't remember ever being that carefree. Looking over at Willow, Buffy wondered if her friend was thinking the same thing. Annoyed with herself, she pushed thoughts of an encroaching apocalypse to the back of her mind, determined to lose herself in the music and the company of good friends. 

  
  


"So, um, Wil...what's up between you and Kennedy, hmm? Buffy grinned, knowingly.

  
  


Willow blushed and jabbed her friend in the arm. "Buffy! I don't know what you're talking about."

  
  


Willow's smile suddenly disappeared, and she stared down at her hands on the railing. "Actually, I can't stop thinking about Tara. I mean, what would it say about our love if I was attracted to someone else so soon?"

  
  


Buffy put an arm around her best friend's shoulders and squeezed. "It's been nearly a year. More importantly, I know Tara would want you to be happy." 

  
  


Willow looked up, her huge eyes glistening with the hint of tears. "Well, I'm *not* ready." She added, "I don't think." She shook her head as if to clear it. "Hey, no fair with the true confessions being one-sided! What about you, Missy?"

  
  


"Oh please, Wil! I have no love life. In fact, I have no life." She smiled wryly.

  
  


"Any cuties at work?" Willow prodded.

  
  


An unbidden image of Spike and his blond, unruly curls of this morning popped into Buffy's mind. She pushed it to the back of her mind with her earlier thoughts of impending doom. 

  
  


"To be honest, making a love connection in the workplace has been the last thing on my mind."

  
  


Willow nodded in understanding. "Buffy, something has been on my mind, but there really hasn't been a chance to bring it up to you before." She hesitated, looking uncomfortable. "How are...how are things with Spike?"

  
  


Was Willow inside her head again? Buffy put on her best kitten poker face. "Spike? Well, I was a bit concerned that he was healing too slowly, but I think he's okay now."

  
  


Willow laughed. "That's nice to know, but it's not what I meant. You two have been spending a lot of time together, right?" Willow smiled encouragingly.

  
  


Buffy regarded her friend intently and realized that she was seriously tempted to take her into her confidence. But, before Buffy could open her mouth again, Xander appeared at the top of the steps with their drinks.

  
  


"Hey! Grab that booth over there!" he called out.

  
  


**********

  
  


Buffy closed her eyes and plugged her free ear, straining to hear Dawn's voice at the other end of the phone.

  
  


"How's everything?" she asked.

  
  


"Fine! Buffy, we have your cell number. Just enjoy your birthday fun!"

  
  


"Well, I wanted to make sure. Everything is really okay?"

  
  


"Yeah, we're playing charades, actually. Andrew always picks the Star Trek movies. He is so predictable."

  
  


Buffy could almost picture Dawn rolling her eyes.

  
  


"Hey, Buffy? Is Spike there with you?"

  
  


Buffy's eyes shot open. "No. He told me earlier that he had plans tonight."

  
  


"Oh, that explains it, then. He left the house right after you guys did, looking mighty fine, and I was hoping maybe he was coming to your party."

  
  


"No, Dawnie, I don't think so." Buffy tried to make her voice sound light, all the while wondering where the heck Spike went all dressed up.

  
  


**********

  
  


Spike stopped at the entrance to the Bronze, his feet refusing to conquer the threshold. Couples brushed by him in irritation, but he was afraid to go in, and afraid to move aside for fear that he would never go in. 

  
  


He had been roaming the streets of Sunnydale for hours, avoiding this eventuality. Running a shaking hand through his hair, Spike wondered if coming here to surprise her was wise. She had seemed annoyed with him this morning, and he didn't know why. Well, perhaps he had an idea. He knew that he had distanced himself from her after the other night.

Spike closed his eyes at the memory of Buffy's warm hand sliding up his shirt as she straddled him in the cemetery, concern etched on her face. Nothing could have prepared him for the onslaught of emotions her simple touch had evoked. Shocked, he'd grabbed her hand. The last thing he'd wanted to do was to hurt her feelings, though, so he'd held on, giving her tiny fingers a squeeze of reassurance.

  
  


They had come so far since his return, and Spike cherished their new friendship It was so genuine that it made his heart sing and fulfilled him in ways their sexual relationship never had. He wouldn't allow anything to interfere with that. He couldn't bear to lose her again. So, he had avoided the Slayer the past couple of days in order to regain his perspective.

  
  


Anya had been his co-conspirator for tonight, telling him about the plans to celebrate Buffy's birthday here, and helping him shop for new clothes. Spike had to admit that it had hurt that the whelp and the witch hadn't let him in on it, but it really didn't surprise him. To hell with them. He couldn't imagine not being with Buffy on her birthday.

  
  


Spike took a deep breath to steady himself, shoved his hands in his pockets, and moved into the club. His new leather shoes bit his ankles, and Spike longed for his old boots. But, Anya had insisted that he needed to update his look. Thanks to her generosity, he was sporting a new brown knit turtleneck, brown leather blazer, and blue jeans. 

  
  


Spike stuck to the shadows he knew so well, moving along the wall, his eyes scanning the dance floor and tables for her with his preternatural vision. Seeing no sign of her, Red or the Boy, he ducked his head down, walked up to the bar and ordered himself a drink.

  
  


**********

  
  


Nestled in the corner balcony booth, Buffy drowsily played with the straw of her fourth Long Island iced tea, chin in hand. Throughout the evening, the three friends had reminisced about their high school years, when life was simpler. But, Buffy's thoughts kept returning to the subject of a certain blond vampire. Where.Was.He.

  
  


"Buffster, you wanna dance again?" Xander asked.

  
  


"Nah, I think I'll sit this one out, guys. You go ahead."

  
  


"Okay, Buffy, we'll be right back," Willow said, smiling, as she scooted out of the booth.

  
  


Buffy sighed and leaned her head back, closing her eyes. The alcohol and lack of sleep was catching up with her. She was thrilled that Willow and Xander seemed to be having such a wonderful time, but she felt restless, like she should be somewhere else.

  
  


There were too many concerns weighing on her mind - the lives of too many people for whom she felt responsible. And, as hard as she'd tried not to get close to the Potentials, she was starting to care deeply about them. She knew that if anything happened to them, she would be devastated. 

  
  


Remembering what the First Slayer had told her about being full of love, Buffy felt herself tear up. She finally got it, but why was it so difficult for her to give that love to the person who needed it the most? Why couldn't she say the things she needed to say to him? 

  
  


Dabbing at her eyes with her napkin, she sat up again and took a long sip of her drink. She slid out of the booth and walked to the railing to watch her friends dance.

  
  


And that's when she saw him.

  
  


**********

  
  


Spike's senses suddenly alerted him to the Slayer's presence. He threw back the rest of his drink, dropped cash on the bar and slipped into the shadows. Catching sight of Willow and Xander dancing near the stage, an eyebrow rose in surprise when he didn't see her with them.

  
  


Once again, Spike used his enhanced vision to scan the crowded room. He moved until the catwalk came into view, but there was still no sign of her. Remembering that there were a few tables on the balcony, Spike made his way to the steps.

  
  


He took two at a time, eager to finally surprise her. He wasn't nervous anymore. Spike inhaled deeply. Buffy's unique scent was growing stronger as he climbed. Tonight it was a mixture of lemon grass scented shampoo, vanilla donut frosting, and that intoxicating Slayer scent that was, simply, Buffy.

  
  


Reaching the catwalk, Spike's eyes darted to each dark corner, taking in the occupied tables and empty corner booth. Striding over to the latter, he fingered a filmy black shawl discarded on the cushion. Discreetly, he raised it to his lips and breathed in the scent and smiled. Slayer.

  
  


**********

  
  


Buffy giggled as she ran down the back staircase. If Spike wanted to play games, he would meet his match in her. Gone were her thoughts of gloom. Her vampire was here to surprise her on her birthday. She mattered that much to him, and Buffy suddenly felt alive and giddy. Spying Xander and Willow, she joined them on the dance floor. 

  
  


Abandoning herself to the seductive pulse of the music, Buffy moved her body to the rhythm, smiling at her friends and laughing. She hadn't danced like this in a long time, and she realized that she was dancing for him. Spike would eventually find her, because he never gave up.

  
  


**********

  
  


Grasping the pipe railing with both hands, Spike's eyes came to rest on Buffy, at last. She was a golden ball of light in the middle of the dance floor. He slowly retraced his steps to the stairs, never taking his eyes off her. God, she knew how to move that gorgeous body of hers. Spike remembered the first time he saw her. She was dancing then, too, and they had been dancing, together, ever since.

  
  


Spike made his way through the crowd of bodies until he was only two long strides away from her. Her scent was intoxicating; her heartbeat vital. Her eyes were closed, head thrown back, a little smile on her face as though she had a secret to tell. The filmy dress she wore clung to her hips, layers of fabric swirling around her thighs as she undulated. Spike swallowed, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking down at the floor. She was obviously having a wonderful time, and he didn't want to spoil it for her.

  
  


But when Spike looked up, the most amazing vision greeted him. Buffy was still dancing, but she was looking directly at him, her green eyes shining with delight, as reached out for him to join her. Somehow she didn't look all that surprised to see him, and Spike smirked when he realized that he'd been had. He smiled shyly, ducking his head and biting his lower lip, before moving to her side.

  
  


"Happy Birthday, Buffy." 

  
  


"It is now." 

  
  


Buffy grinned up at him, and Spike knew he hadn't seen her this carefree in a very long time. He looked at her glowing face with awe. The realization that he had something to do with her mood gave him the courage he needed to reach out his arms and pull her close to him. 

  
  


When had he forgotten that their bodies fit together perfectly? Had he really forgotten? Or, had he just buried the knowledge in the depths of his memory where it couldn't torture him? He felt her sigh in his arms, as his hand at the small of her back pressed her even closer to him. 

  
  


Spike saw Xander start towards them, but Willow grabbed his arm to stop him, flashing him a warning glare. Spike smiled at the witch and she gave him her trademark little wave. 

  
  


Buffy and Spike danced to their own music. Her head was tucked perfectly under his chin and Spike knew that he could stay like this forever. He wished that there was no First Evil, that all of the Potentials were safe and snug, and that everyone Buffy cared about was happy.

  
  


"I'm sorry." The tiny voice spoken into his chest shocked him out of his reflection.

  
  


"For what, love?" Spike murmured against her hair.

  
  


Buffy looked up into his eyes. "For being such a grouch this morning."

  
  


Spike chuckled. "Oh right, that. Well, you're entitled. Got a lot on your mind."

  
  


"No, I was angry that you weren't coming tonight." With that admission, Buffy looked at her hand tucked in his, against his chest.

  
  


"Wasn't invited, Pet, but wild horses couldn't keep me away from you on your birthday. You should know that by now."

  
  


Buffy looked up at him again. "I missed you. Did...did I do something wrong the other night on patrol?"

  
  


Spike sighed. "Now I owe *you* the apology." He looked at her earnestly, his voice deep, "Buffy...I don't want to lose our friendship. I had some thinking to do, is all. I can't bear the thought of losing you again."

  
  


Buffy frowned. "You are not going to lose anything, Spike, but I'm not making the connection."

  
  


Spike gathered her closed again. "I just don't want anything to ruin what we have. Do you have any idea how happy you've made me, by believing in me and by letting me help train the girls? Buffy, you treat me like a friend now. I live for our long talks at night. I can't go back to what we had before. And, when you touched me...all those feelings...look, it doesn't matter."

  
  


Buffy looked into his eyes. "You felt something?"

  
  


"Yeah, I did...threw me for a loop, too. S'why I had to pull away for a bit...get a handle on things."

  
  


"Good or bad?"

  
  


Spike frowned at her. "Good or bad what?"

  
  


"The feelings...were they good or bad?" Buffy looked at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

  
  


Spike suddenly felt flushed, even though he knew that was impossible. "Ahhhh...well...use your imagination, Slayer...there was you, straddling me in the dark, sliding that warm hand up my chest...what do you think?"

  
  


Buffy giggled. "Oh, Spike, it might be the Long Island iced teas talking, but you really need to relax. If you keep thinking so much, everyone's going to say that you're brooding."

  
  


At the obvious reference to Angel, Spike bristled. "I am *not* thinking too much." He stopped dancing and held her at arm's length. "I just don't want to do anything wrong, is all!" 

  
  


Buffy pouted and closed the gap between them, putting his arm around her waist again, holding his free hand close to her, mimicking his earlier grip.

  
  


"Shhhh, Spike...you're not doing anything wrong."

  
  


Spike groaned in frustration and pulled her tightly against him as they moved to the music.

  
  


"I'm not?"

  
  


Buffy's voice soothed him, "No, we just need to work through the scary stuff together. I have faith in us, do you?"

  
  


Spike silently mouthed, "I love you," against her hair, inhaling her fresh scent."

  
  


"Buffy, I have it on good authority that the First is laying low for a bit. Word's out among the demons." 

  
  


Buffy looked up at him, "You're serious?"

  
  


He loved being able to give her some good news. Spike smiled gently. "Yeah, Pet. Way I see it, gives us a bit of down time, eh? To sort things out between us?"

  
  


Buffy smiled up at him, and Spike knew that he had never seen her look more radiant. How he wished he could protect her, but he knew that they would all be tested soon. She knew it, too.

  
  


"Spike, I don't know what's coming, but I do know that I want you by my side when it does, and not just as my friend."

  
  


Spike understood. "Slayer, I'll always give you my best in a fight, you know that."

  
  


Buffy shook her head and smiled. "You just don't get it, do you?" Her eyes were huge. "I've felt like half of me was gone the past two days. I've just been going through the motions, walking in a fog without you by my side. Will and Xand were great tonight but all I could think about was you. Spike, the moment I saw you here was the moment I came alive."

  
  


Spike was silent. He couldn't get his mind around what she was saying. It was unfathomable. 

  
  


She shrugged. "I guess I'll have to show you."

  
  


The room started spinning for Spike in the split second it took him to realize what was happening. And he knew it immediately, because he had memorized all of her moves. He had studied them for six years, hadn't he? 

  
  


Buffy's tiny hands gently drew his face down to hers, but it wasn't like before...the taking of last year. This time her eyes asked a question first and his eyes answered. When their lips finally met, it was almost chaste.

  
  


"I'm falling in love with you, William," Buffy whispered against his mouth.

  
  


Shaken by Buffy's use of his given name; he brushed his lips gently against hers again and murmured into them, "I'll catch you."

  
  


The End

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


During Spike's lengthy recuperation, Buffy and he had spent a lot of time together. A friendship had blossomed developed as Buffy gently nursed him back to health. 

  
  


Completely recovered, Spike had now become the perfect training partner. Buffy loved sparring with him, and she owed a lot of the progress she had made with the Potentials to Spike.

  
  


Sometimes, Buffy would feel things for Spike that thought that she wanted more, so she would flirt and send out the usual signals. He seemed to shy away from her, then, and never overstepped the boundaries of friendship. Still, she thought he might still love her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


For just a few seconds, only he and his Slayer had existed in his world. The Potentials had faded away, and he had been lost in her eyes. 

  
  


"Yeah, Rona, it *was* hot."


End file.
